Realization sets in....

Wow. When I walked under that sign that said "Baptist Centers for Cancer Care" it was like "Ok, here we go." I stopped to reflect on this. I walked inside the building and went to suite 100, where I now know I will be spending a lot of time!  When I opened the door the first person I saw was a lovely woman with a cap on because she had lost her hair. The person over to the right was a gentleman in a wheelchair because he had lost a leg. At that very moment I felt like the breath had been knocked out of me as the realization of this began to sink in. I sat down in the first chair I could find and after a few minutes I said "God we can do this".  I hadn't realized that I spoke out loud and I got a few looks and I think they wanted to tell me the psychiatric office was done the hall. I wanted to say "No, I haven't lost my mind I just misplaced my courage for a minute". But I think they understood. 

The doctor explained the two different procedures of radiation again to me and after seeing the size of the catheter they would use if I went that route, I'm beginning to think the daily, six week regimen isn't looking so bad! When I got home from work yesterday, I had a meltdown. I cried. And cried. I felt guilty for wanting to change the direction of radiation. Thank you Nita for talking me through that one!

Today I want to pray and ask God to give special comfort and peace to all of those that are suffering or have love ones suffering with cancer. 

"See God has come to save me! I will trust and not be afraid, for The Lord is my strength and song, he is my salvation." Isaiah 12:2 (TLB)